I thought the words had disappeared… they still come, . however. They come in droves.. they come in armies.. with their own generals, their own slogans of war and peace. They drip down from the edge of my consciousness and collapse in a puddle on the floor below.. a fetid amorous mass of thoughts and word and ideas.. forever abandoned

There is above poem in their somewhere.. a mass of whatever claims itself as love and whatever claims itself as lust and hate and Venus moves away into the sun light .. the atmosphere burned away … stropped of all pretense of life

He came in.. look he said.. spider traps all over whatever claims itself to be the last piece of the wall.. Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows—Ginsberg says.. Moloch whose factories dream and cloak in the fog..

There was God’s light today.. streaming behind the blood red of the days last cloud show.. they made me make something of it.. “What do you think of it” they said.. Of this depictitive surrealist dadaesque reality…

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours. The winds of change shall always come, and blow the sands of time away Only those who face the storm Shall live to see the light of day The only way to cross the desert, is step after agonising step keep walking forward, one step in front of the other, ignore all mirages. The desert is cruel, there is no water, but if you have one single purpose in mind one single motivation, you either cross the desert, or it kills you. Remind me if I forget, promise me. Love

Part Self written, part copied(you will know)

Let us Assume, for a moment that all reality is suspended. There are no bills to pay, no responsibilities, no worries about the future. Just imagine your life in a montage of happy pictures playing like a slideshow reel, just like it does in an advertisement. Imagine then, you and I, two perfectly happy, perfectly normal people. No fucked up, self jeopardising self pity, no sir.

Running back in a bit of rain today, I had the most insane idea,nay, a revelation. This did not come from the tear strained romance novel I have been reading(rather intelligent I must say) . It is this. You should be here, with me, in India. Sharing every moment, you know, with a realisation that eventually, you and I, ME and you, will help each other pull through it. I am just a better person when you are arund. Self confident, funny. So here is my proposed plan

1. Leave that job. You never admit it, but you hate it there anyway. It is cold, horribly slow and let us face it, you do get a rather lonely.

2. Come to India, shift, get another job, I don’t know. And then we could you know, even be flatmates. Provided you can overcome your sexual attraction to me that is. Or I could just lock you in your room in case you can’t. Imagine, you and I, together, in the same flat. One endless round of parties and booze and maybe even some drugs. And after a few years we will have life changing epiphainies which will remind us that drugs make us bad people and we will quit altogether.

Isn’t that the greatest plan you’ve ever heard of in your life?

Ah, typical Dexter you say, isn’t he forgetting something? Money! Plane tickets don’t grow on trees and what about social security and the work ethic etc. etc. Well don’t worry, I’m paying. Yes, I’m paying, I’m going to wire the money to you for your plane ticket (I’ve always wanted to wire money) and I’m going to pay for everything when you’re here which sounds swanky but isn’t because it is so DAMN CHEAP here. We can live for months, Em, me and you, heading down to Kerala or across to Thailand. We could go to a full moon party—imagine staying awake all night not because you’re worried about the future but because it’s FUN. (Remember when we stayed up all night after graduation, Em? Anyway. Moving on.)

For three hundred pounds of someone else’s money, you could change your life, and you musn’t worry about it because frankly I have money that I haven’t earned, and you work really hard and yet you don’t have money, so it’s socialism in action isn’t it? And if you really want you can pay me back when you’re a famous playwright, or when the poetry-money kicks in or whatever. Besides it’s only for three months. I’ve got to come back in the autumn anyway. As you know Mum’s not been well. She tells me the operation went fine and maybe it did or maybe she just doesn’t want me to worry. Either way I’ve got to come home eventually. (By the way, my mother has a theory about you and me, and if you meet me at the Taj Mahal I will tell you all about it, but only if you meet me.)

On the wall in front of me is this massive sort of praying mantis thing and he’s looking at me as if to say shut up now so I will. It’s stopped raining, and I’m about to go to a bar and meet up with some new friends for a drink, three female medical students from Amsterdam which tells you all you need to know. But on the way I’m going to find a post box and send this before I change my mind. Not because I think you coming here is a bad idea—it isn’t, it’s a great idea and you must come—but because I think I might have said too much. Sorry if this has annoyed you. The main thing is that I think about you a lot, that’s all. Dex and Em, Em and Dex. Call me sentimental, but there’s no one in the world that I’d like to see get dysentery more than you.

When Tanvi was seventeen years old, she fell in love. It was a mundane moment, really, one that would hardly be written about in a romance novel . You see, in movies and sitcoms, when one falls in love, it is usually accompanied by some slow motion camera work and a changing of colours, maybe even soundtrack in the background, No such thing happened for Tanvi though. She saw the boy in her school bus, sitting right at the very back. This was a space reserved for seniors, ones in their final year of school.

School buses, on their way back, are usually a hub bub of activity. Children laugh, shout, sing, get bullied. It is a world within a world, one that is insulated from the vagaries of teachers, homework and generally making tahir way about the real world.

For reasons entirely her own, she decided to follow the boy home. Let us now, dear reader, shift perspective. Imagine then, a camera that moves from focusing on our heroine, to the other introduced character of the story.

The boy was 18, bald and tall, not attractive in the conventional sense of the term. His mother was Bhutanese, his father was Bangladeshi, and the boy had grown up under a very religious influence . He stayed in one of those areas of the city which seemed to be a perpetual state of construction. Tanvi followed him all the way to his house and hid behind a tree as his pressed the doorbell and entered his house.

From then on, the boy seemed to occupy her thoughts. She walked home thinking about him, went to bed dreaming about him , and woke the next day with a delirious fever chanting his name .

There was not much that could be done from then on, as her fever grew progressively worse. She could not go to school without the help of an attendant, and eventually stopped going altogether. From a straight A student, her grades suffered and slipped . She took to spending her waking moments disconnected from the world. Drawing and painting, everything from landscapes to portraits, she brought her vivid imagination and delirious dreaming to life on the canvas. And always, everywhere, there seemed to be the boy. And one day, one of her paintings showed two people coming to her door. One looked Bhutanese, the other Bangladeshi.

Forty rules of love

(Taken from “The Forty Rules of Love” by Elif Shafak. Transcribed by Pam Burn, www.colourenergyworks.co.uk)
How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is mostly fear and blame welled inside us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we.
The Path to the Truth is a labour of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide. Not your mind. Meet, challenge, and ultimately prevail over your nafs (false ego) with your heart. Knowing your ego (higher self/soul) will lead you to the knowledge of God.
Each and every reader comprehends the Qur’an/ Bible on a different level in tandem with the depth of his understanding. There are 4 levels of insight. The first level is the outer meaning and it is the one that the majority of people are content with. Next is the Batum- the inner level. Third there is the inner of the inner. And the fourth level is so deep it cannot be put into words and is therefore bound to be indescribable. Scholars who focus on the Sharia/ Bible know the outer meaning. Sufis/ Lightworkers know the inner meaning. Saints know the inner of the inner. The fourth level is known by prophets and those closest to God. So don’t judge the way other people connect to God. To each his own way and his own prayer. God does not take us at our word but looks deep into our hearts. It is not the ceremonies or rituals that make a difference, but whether our hearts are sufficiently pure or not.
You can study God through everything and everyone in the universe, because God is not confined in a mosque, synagogue or church. But if you are still in need of knowing exactly where his abode is, there is only one place to look for him: in the heart of a true lover.
Intellect and love are made of two different materials. Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises, “Beware too much ecstasy,” whereas Love says, “Oh never mind. Take the plunge!” Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to rubble. But treasures are hidden amongst ruins. A broken heart hides treasure.
Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.
Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you are lonely, it is easy to delude yourself into believing you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, as it means being alone without being lonely. But eventually it is best to find a person, that person will be your mirror. Remember, only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you.
Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things may seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful ! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi/Lightworker is thankful not only for what she/he has been given, but also for what she/he has been denied .
Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be so short-sighted as to not be able to see the outcome. The lover’s of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full.

10. East, West, South or North makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey, a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll travel the whole wide world and beyond.

11. The midwife knows that when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise for a new self to be born, hardship is necessary. Just as day needs to go through intense heat to become strong, Love can only be perfected in pain.

12. The quest for Love changes us. There is no seeker amongst those who search for Love who has not matured along the way. The moment you start looking for Love, you start to change within and without.

13. There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the numbers of stars in the visible universe. Don’t confuse power-driven self centred people with true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the Light of God pass through them.

14. Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

15. God is busy with the completion of your work, both outwardly and inwardly. He is fully occupied with you. Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly and inexorably moving towards perfection. We are each an unfinished work of art, both waiting and striving to be completed. God deals with each of us separately because humanity is a fine art of skilled penmanship where every single dot is equally important for the entire picture.

16. It’s easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love fellow human beings with all their imperfections and defects. Remember one can only know what one is capable of loving. There is no wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor truly know God.

17. Real Filth is the one inside. The rest simply washes off. There is only one type of dirt that cannot be cleansed with pure waters, and that is the stain of hatred and bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.

18. The whole universe is contained within a single human being – You. Everything that you see around, including the things you might not be fond of and even the people you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore do not look for Satan outside of yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks from without. It is an ordinary voice within. If you get to know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness both your dark and light sides, you will arrive at a supreme form of consciousness. When a person knows himself or herself, he or she knows God.

19. If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to fully love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.

20. Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That’s the hardest part and that’s what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Do not go with the flow. Be the flow.

21. We were all created in God’s image and yet we were each created different and unique. No two people are alike. No two hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is tantamount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme.

22. When a true lover of God goes into a tavern, the tavern becomes his chamber of prayer, but when a wine bibber goes into the same chamber, it becomes his tavern. In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference not our outer appearances. Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are. When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both his eyes closed and instead opens a third eye – the eye that sees the inner realm.

23. Life is a temporary loan, and this world is nothing but a sketchy imitation of Reality. Only children would mistake a toy for the real thing. And yet human beings either become infatuated with the toy or disrespectfully break it and throw it aside. In this life stay away from all kinds of extremities, for they will destroy your inner balance. Sufis do not go to extremes. A Sufi always remains mild and moderate.

24. The human being has a unique place amongst God’s creation. “I breathed into him of My Spirit,” God says. Each and every one of us without exception is designed to be God’s delegate on earth. Ask yourself, just how often do you behave like a delegate, if you ever do so? Remember, it falls upon each of us to discover the divine spirit inside and live by it.

25. Hell is the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present in this very moment. Every time we fall in Love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell. Is there a worse hell than the torment a man suffers when he knows deep down in his conscience that he has done something awfully wrong? Ask that man. He will tell you what hell is. Is there a better paradise than the bliss that descends upon a man at those rare moments in life, when the bolts of the universe fly open and he feels in possession of all the secrets of eternity and united with God? Ask that man. He will tell you what heaven is?

26. The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practise compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back – not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish, but are perpetually stored in infinite space, and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make everyone smile.

27. This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whenever you speak, good or evil, it will somehow come back to you. Therefore if there is someone who harbours ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of forty days, because you will be different inside.

28. The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, proceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through us and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind and remain within the present moment. The present moment is all there is and all that there will ever be.

29. Destiny doesn’t mean that your life has been strictly predetermined. Therefore to leave everything to fate and to not actively contribute to the music of the universe is a sign of sheer ignorance. “The music of the universe is all pervading and it is composed on forty different levels. Your destiny is the level where you will play your tune. You might not change your instrument but how well to play is entirely in your hands. ”

30. The true Sufi/Lightworker is such that even when he is unjustly accused, attacked and condemned from all sides, he patiently endures, uttering not a single bad word about any of his critics. She/he never apportions blame. How can there be opponents or rivals or even “others” when there is no “self” in the first place? How can there be anyone to blame when there is only One?

31. If you want to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness, accident, loss or fright, one way or another, we are all faced with incidents that teach us how to become less selfish and judgemental and more compassionate and generous. Yet some of us learn the lessons and manage to become milder, while some others end up becoming even harsher than before. The only way to get closer to the Truth is to expand your heart so that it will encompass all humanity and still have room for more Love.

32. Nothing should stand between yourself and God. Not imams, priests, rabbis or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters, not even your faith. Believe in your values and your rules but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good. Stay away from all sorts of idolatry, for they will blur your vision. Let God and only God be your guide. Learn the Truth but be careful not to make a fetish out of your truths.

33. While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life as light and empty as the number zero. We are no different from a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going.

34. Submission does not mean being weak or passive. It leads to neither fatalism nor capitulation. Just the opposite. True power resides in submission – a power that comes from within. Those who submit to the divine essence of life will live in unperturbed tranquillity and peace even when the whole wide world goes through turbulence after turbulence.

35. In this world, it is not similarities or regularities that take us a step forward, but blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the universe are present within each and every one of us. Therefore the believer needs to meet the unbeliever residing within. And the unbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in him. Until the day one reaches the stage of being the perfect human being, faith is a gradual process and one that necessitates its seeming opposite: disbelief.

36. This world is erected upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a speck of evil will remain unreciprocated. Fear not the plots, deceptions or tricks of other people. If someone is setting a trap remember so is God. He is the biggest plotter. Not even a leaf sits outside of God’s knowledge. Simply and fully believe in that. Whatever God does He does beautifully.

37. God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.

38. It is never too late to ask yourself, “Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?” Even if a single day in your life is the same as the day before, it surely is a pity. At every moment and with each new breath, one should be renewed and renewed again. There is only one way to be born into a new life: to die before death.

39. While the parts change, the whole always remains the same. For every thief who departs the world, a new one is born. And every decent person who passes away is replaced by a new one. In this way not only does nothing remain the same but also nothing ever really changes.

40. “A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western…. divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire. The universe turns differently when fire loves water. (©Elif Shafak.)
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Bukowski

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.”

Stories

No, wait, when did it come to this?? Stop… Please…

I am in office right now(yes, at 9:00 Pm on a Friday evening) . And the words decide to come, of all moments, they decide to come to me now. And this isn’t really about frustration. It is not a rant. It is not a pity party . It just is. A fact. I need to work.

But I digress, this isn’t really about work. This is about free flowing word, I let the words dictate their own curse right now. And I talk to them, I ask them “what do you want me to say” “Whose story do you want me to tell” ,and today, I want to tell the story of stories. What really, are stories. Those little snippets of information which float around the world. Everyone I meet, everyone I talk to, has a story. They may say it, they may act it , they may live it, but the story is there.

Tanvi Got me thinking. She had something to say to people, and those words were her words, her story. But in a way, it as also my story. Tanvi, I need to be talking to you about this right now, But you are away. Telling your story to Jenna from accounting, was it?

Aafreen taught you a lot, but she also taught me something. Notice how when she faces the camera, she does it without fear. We, are always afraid of what the camera might throw up. I have been accused of writing about “sad” things, but I noticed how my writing has changed. It really isn’t about sadness anymore, it just isn’t.

It is about happiness, and joy. Life is tough, yes, but think about it, it isn’t really that bad. I mean, decent food to eat, decent people around you and a half decent dressing sense, really it’s pretty cool J

Anywho, back to talking about stories. Stories matter, they matter to you, and they matter to me. When I tell my story, however, it isn’t really mine, its ours,. The very act of forming the words on a piece of paper or on air, makes me lose any rights of ownership on them.

And the story must have a beginning, a middle and an end. (though not necessarily in the same order: The most interesting stories are the one that start in the middle )

So watch this space, I think there us a story coming up soon, maybe a story about stories

I read this here : http://www.blabberings.com/2011/10/i-want-to-know-if-you-can-be-alone-with.html

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”
― Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I know, I have lazed out. I wish I could write more, I wish I could tell more stories, and there are so many to tell!

For now : - Just this, "Everyone has their personal mount everest they were put on this earth to climb"

What is yours?

"Maybe strong is what you have left when you have used up all your weak"

Ten years ago...

They are doing it again, throwing us into oblivion and discarding themselves of their responsibilities. This filth has spread. Disguised as it may be. This stench of lies has spread to more than just the walls and offices of those in high places.

Bury this mob now, so that our screams perish in this grave that you have dug, for our augury may wake up the dead already buried. This pain of the mob contends for first place with madness, or perhaps it is sanity. The smidgen of reality that manages to make its way through the abyss of illusion.

Lord, I need you now, more than ever. Revealed, tangible and universal, so that all fear is overcome, if not eliminated. For the fraying has begun, amongst the jagged edges of this collective consciousness that I am part of. I know, I feel it.

“O God of earth and Altar,

Bow down and hear our cry

Our earthly rulers falter

Our people drift and die

The walls of hate entomb us

And swords of scorn divide

Do not take thy thunder from us

But do take away our pride”

GK Chesterton