“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

I do not know, why I am writing this to you.... this is be "stupid" and irrational. i wrote this to you yesterday - in half sleep and half waking- when the mind rambles and sleep is slow to come. I know you wanted someone else all the time, someone who would come to you in the middle of the night and lift you ip in their arms and whisper in your ear as your were sleeping - so that when you woke up(and here I paused- for about five minutes- thinking what to write next) , when you woke up the world would seem a better place.

I want that too. I want that relationship- that "world disappearing beneath the sheets" meeting of souls- where it doesn’t matter how old you are or how much you earn or what diseases you have- All that matters is that you and I are together, you and I are one. That is a world. That is our world. And now, once we have found it, I know I will not be able to live outside .

I know you wanted someone else, someone balanced, stable, someone who would think rather than feel.But that was always your job, wasn’t it??
And I know you wanted someone else, someone who would not freak out so much, who would not "feel" so much- Like the stable -"dead" line of the ECG, someone who would remain stable throughout. I am sorry I am not that person. I am flesh melting into flesh made manifest. A product of a fractured union of two bodies- a union of flesh. And the flesh wants, craves, desires, lives, lusts and flows in boundless passion and energy. "Rajas" they call it , I think (and here I pause again- as if what I want to say has not fully been realised)-

sire There are stories in my head, two , actually. One is this love tale of longing and desire that ends in a furious passion- The moth, as drawn to flames, burns himself but lights up the whole world.
The other, well, it will soon see the light of day.

I have alos found one caharchter for my book. How she sees the world(yes, it has to be a woman!), or how she uncovers the double life her father lives. Biit by bit, one lifetime at a time-

I saw ROckstar yesterday, and have not been able to get over it since. More on that, soon.

The movie ends with a quote by Rumi -
"Somehere out beyond conceptions of right-ness and wrong-ness, there is a field. I will meet you there"

More research on Rumi and I stumbled on this little gem

If anyone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting
will look, lift your face
and say,

Like this.

When someone mentions the gracefulness
of the nightsky, climb up on the roof
and dance and say,

Like this.

If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is,
or what "God’s fragrance" means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.

Like this.

When someone quotes the old poetic image
about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings
of your robe.

Like this.

If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead,
don’t try to explain the miracle.
Kiss me on the lips.

Like this. Like this.

When someone asks what it means
to "die for love," point
here.

If someone asks how tall I am, frown
and measure with your fingers the space
between the creases on your forehead.

This tall.

The soul sometimes leaves the body, the returns.
When someone doesn’t believe that,
walk back into my house.

Like this.

When lovers moan,
they’re telling our story.

Like this.

I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.

Like this.

When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.

Like this.

How did Joseph’s scent come to Jacob?

Huuuuu.

How did Jacob’s sight return?

Huuuu.

A little wind cleans the eyes.

Like this.

When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he’ll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us

Like this.