I always used to think I was addicted to writing- That writing was my way of seeing things through – that it eased the pain of existence or added to the joy of living

But there is more- I think I am addicted to stories. Writing is just a manifestation of the story – Travelling to other places- Living the stories is another one

I can’t spend the rest of my life as just another person My fear is that I will just atrophy in my comfort zone - When I die, I want to be able to say that you know what – I did what I wanted to

I do suffer from existential angst – Thinking- is this all there is to life- But I also think that you, in some way create your own reality. I am scared, I am happy, I am angry, I am loved, I am alive

And I am thankful- Its kind of difficult to think about all this on an empty stomach isn’t it I am thankful for food on the table and a roof on my head and parents who are struggling to keep up with my constant need to flow

Forty rules of love

“Listen to the reed, how it sings of separation”
I am reading “The forty rules of love” by Elif Shafak . For those unfamiliar with Elif’s work,
this should serve as a good introduction.
The book runs into two parallel narratives, one is the story of the budding friendship (romance?), between Ella, a 40 something housewife living her mundane straitjacketed existence and Aziz, a world wandering photographer.
The other, more interesting narrative, tells the story of the mystic Rumi and his spiritual soulmate, Shams of Tabriz. And this Shams is the wandering dervish who is perhaps the most interesting character in the story.
And the one who has set me thinking the most... About meaning, about purpose.
Every entity in the universe, makes itself manifest through its opposite. The yin has the yang, the bad has the good, the hot has the cold, angels have their demons...and so on and so forth.
God, you see, has no opposite. And that is why she does not manifest herself to us. There is one other concept which follows a similar part, a similar routine. “Sifr” or Zero. Zero has no opposite, no great cancelling factor – It itself cancels and is cancelled by everything. Anything divided by zero becomes undefined, loses its existence. And so does anything divided by god. God defines and is defined by our existence.
Zero, the way we represent it, is a circle. And circles, the author says in her talk above, are powerful and dangerous. Beware the circle, she says.
If you want to see anything wither away, if you want to see anything die of starvation – A thought, a word, a plant, a soul – Put it in a circle and watch it wither away. We surround ourselves with such circles. Circles of friends, family – Those that seek to protect us from our own baser natures.
On meaning, on purpose- These are questions I often wonder to myself. Why am I here? Why has god given me this life, this education, a chance to understand the world the way I do.
Maybe the answers lie within, maybe without – And maybe the journey to find the answers is the answer in itself.
What do you think?

Indian religious tradition teaches that human beings can have two commendable aspirations.
1. The abhudaya , or worldy prosperity
2. The nihasreya , or spiritual illumination
Of both of these, dharma, or righteousness is said to be the basis.
Will power is said to lead to the development of this dharma, and hence, it is the secret of success

Hence, how to develop this will power, is the most important fundamental basis of one’s existence.
Swami Vivekananda once said
“What is education, is it book learning? NO... Is it diverse Knowledge... Not even that. The training by which the current and expression of will are brought under control and become fruitful is called education”
It is imperative then, to remember, that all of our resopurces, mental , physical and spiritual- be focussed towards attaining this from of education. This is the education of concentration- Learning to center oneself within.

The development of will, paradoxically, is possible if we only have the will to develop our will. Shiva burnt Kama- the god of desire, when Kama tried to disturb him during meditation. Similarly, the daughters of “Kama- mara” – The god of desire and death in Buddhist mythology – could not sway the young Gautama from his path of enlightenment

Similarly, we too, must brun all desires, if we have to develop a will as stroing as iron. Every dream can be real, every wish fulfilled, and herein lies the second paradox of will. A strong will is necessary to attain our desires, while a purging of all desire is necessary to attain a will.


The prayer
Lord,
All I ask of you is redemption
I have commited many sins, but I have also tried to be good
I know that I am a sinner, but you, lord almighty, you are our master and we are but your slaves
I ask in your most holy name, forgive me, protect me and take me under your feet
Give me but a small place there from where you are visible and your glory, tangible