I do not know, why I am writing this to you.... this is be "stupid" and irrational. i wrote this to you yesterday - in half sleep and half waking- when the mind rambles and sleep is slow to come. I know you wanted someone else all the time, someone who would come to you in the middle of the night and lift you ip in their arms and whisper in your ear as your were sleeping - so that when you woke up(and here I paused- for about five minutes- thinking what to write next) , when you woke up the world would seem a better place.

I want that too. I want that relationship- that "world disappearing beneath the sheets" meeting of souls- where it doesn’t matter how old you are or how much you earn or what diseases you have- All that matters is that you and I are together, you and I are one. That is a world. That is our world. And now, once we have found it, I know I will not be able to live outside .

I know you wanted someone else, someone balanced, stable, someone who would think rather than feel.But that was always your job, wasn’t it??
And I know you wanted someone else, someone who would not freak out so much, who would not "feel" so much- Like the stable -"dead" line of the ECG, someone who would remain stable throughout. I am sorry I am not that person. I am flesh melting into flesh made manifest. A product of a fractured union of two bodies- a union of flesh. And the flesh wants, craves, desires, lives, lusts and flows in boundless passion and energy. "Rajas" they call it , I think (and here I pause again- as if what I want to say has not fully been realised)-